Murasaki Thoughts

2011-06-14T17:25:00.001+08:00

I guess I'll be moving on to a new address after 6 years of murasakithoughts.

This blog will still be around, but probably be revamped in future.

For now, please head over to www.kifatan.blogspot.com

SEE YEW *waves like a maniac*

Momo the Chick Magnet

2011-06-14T09:19:00.000+08:00

I believe that pets take after their owner. Momo has very kind eyes. Like you.

I like it- Enrique Iglesias

2011-06-03T08:59:00.001+08:00

amor platonicus

Anyone who has ever been in love with someone who does not share that feeling knows the pain and frustration that comes with that situation. If the friend whose feelings have shifted towards romance can suppress or ignore those feelings, the platonic friendship can continue on as before. But often times that’s not possible and as sad and painful as it, sometimes friendships end.

[ source ]

I am the problem, so I will shift mine.

2011-05-25T10:08:00.000+08:00

Tamara - Queen of Mermaid

2011-05-22T16:54:00.000+08:00

2011-05-17T03:15:00.000+08:00

You know it's different when... you cannot help but respect this person in front of you who talks about his passion like no one you've met.

Bruno Mars - Marry You

2011-05-10T10:07:00.001+08:00

Can't get this out of my head.
Along with your grin. :3

if (GlimpseOfTigerteeth == true)

{

SetMoodToHappy();

}

Scents

2011-05-09T09:21:00.000+08:00

Dolce & Gabbana - rose the one

Obsessed with this scent.

Sweet, and I can't get it out of my head.

The day I went out with Leozai + Bo and sprayed it on, I couldn't stop smelling my wrist.

Haha!

#xiaonuren scent #mustbuy

Especially since someone likes it as well. LOL

Christian Dior - j'adore

I love this scent as well, but I don't think it suits me.

Bo said it's more of a power woman scent.

I think it's more of a sensual, mature scent.

Lanvin - marry me!

Using this scent currently.

Pestered bo and leozai to find the scent that day cus I wanted to show them how it smells like.

Bo, "Don't have to. I know how it smells like. You smell like that every time."

2011-05-05T10:33:00.001+08:00

"if you're not nervous and it is not hard, then it is not worth it"

-Love

Whenever I'm about to see you, butterflies in my stomach.

You made me see that 不是每一件东西都需要说出口的。

真正的关心，不需要听到 “ 我很关心你” 这五个字。

Strangers, again

2011-05-03T11:56:00.001+08:00

Stage 1: Meeting
Stage 2: The Chase
Stage 3: The Honeymoon
Stage 4: Comfortable
Stage 5: Tolerance
Stage 6: Downhill
Stage 7: Breaking Up
Stage 8: Strangers Again

Dad #actcute

2011-05-01T13:54:00.001+08:00

Dad did this to hint us it's time for his noon medication; a big round tablet.

I made him do this again for me to shoot before I agreed to give him his pill. hehe!

We're the masters of our own happiness

2011-05-01T12:21:00.001+08:00

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/04/the-makings-of-a-happy-marriage/

Healthy relationships are the product of two individuals who are responsible for their own emotional health and who have something to give to a relationship. The relationship is the vessel that we build to hold and cultivate our best selves. When we are not driven by need, we have the opportunity to give freely, not measuring what we get back against what we give. We have the courage to look at ourselves honestly and the willingness to be held accountable to what we aspire to become.

“In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it.”

- Michelangelo

HPY

2011-05-01T00:46:00.003+08:00

Gah, 29 April 2011 marked the day I checked off 'Mustafa Centre' and 'Shopping at 1am' on my TODO list.

With friends like PWC and Bo, it doesn't really matter that Singapore is small. They're annoying enough, funny enough, and spontaneous enough that just a small meeting for UDDERS can lead to Bedok85 → Mustafa Centre → Various petrol stations to search for Sara Lee → Bo's void deck to eat, at 3am.

And they kept my mind off something which... is impossible (or at least I think so).

This post stays until end of April. Pls scroll down for updates.

2011-04-30T10:30:00.010+08:00

~~01 April : Soon + Roy @ Mount Faber 9 -11pm~~
~~02 April : Nat + Olivia + Jon @ Tampines 8-10pm~~
~~03 April : Main group +~~ ~~Fiona @ Hougang 6-9pm~~
~~04 April : COY training~~
~~06 April : Bin + Mel + GW @ Tampines 9-10pm~~
~~09 April : Outdoor badminton with GW @ Aljunied 8-10pm~~
~~10 April : Uncle Tong & Co @ Whampoa 6:30-9:30pm~~
~~11 April : COY training~~
~~13 April : Winston and friends @ Tamp 6:30pm~~
~~14 April : Cheng + Yun + Bo @ Bedok 8:30-9:30pm~~
~~17 April : Main group @ Hougang 6:30-9:30pm~~
~~18 April : COY training~~
~~24 April : Main group @ Jalan Besar 6:30-9:30pm~~

Listed are confirmed and booked slots.

#100factsaboutme

2011-04-28T17:18:00.038+08:00

Not gonna spam my twitter with this, so it's here on my blog.

I'm a stickler for punctuality
I'm judgmental
I feed stray cats
I love flowers, especially carnations.
I love to annoy the people I love
I cry when I watch sappy love dramas
I play badminton
I obsess over paper products
I am 1.6m tall
'Kifa' is not in my identity card.
I love to illustrate
I am straight-forward (as observed by Faith + Jo)
Little beverages makes me happy (as observed by Faith + Jo)
I like looking at girls
I can make sushi
I value relationships over anything else
I used to flip tables and chairs in secondary school
I cannot stand baby-talk
I don't take afternoon naps unless I'm really sick/ tired
I check twitter the moment I wake up
I like mature men
I own zero pair of pants (except for jeans and shorts)
The ratio of dresses to separates in my closet is 80:20
I get irritated with people who cannot articulate themselves properly
I love soyabean curd and milk
I eat any dish made with > 90% egg. (e.g. steamed, fried, sunny side, half/ hard boil, scrambled....etc)
There's only one soft toy I like - Rilakkuma & Co by san-x
I don't really like chocolate (but I like Royce Champagne Nama Choc + Godiva Milk Choco pearls)
My skin has never been fair
I have a habit of packing my desk if I want to concentrate
I love maggie mee
I have 2 annoying siblings
I am 'horoscopic'; I discriminate against some horoscopes
I like belgium waffles
I like spending money ( annoying bro said this ): )
I like the warm / vibrant / earthy colours, but no greens and blues.
My dream dog breed is the Siberian Husky
My dream cat breed is the Ragdoll
I can sleep through thunderstorms
I will sleep if I feel hunger pangs at night
The only subject I got A1 in was Art & Design
I cannot stop cutting my hair, it's an addiction
I love heart to heart talks
I'd rather hear the ugly truth than listen to pretty lies
I have never used a tampon in my life
I have a super soft spot for people with tiger teeth
I like coffee
I love sweet + orange-fleshed durians
I actually... don't like communicating with strangers
I hyperventilate when I stand alone in a crowd of strangers
I wear contact lenses
Audrey Kawasaki is the first ever artist I fell in love with
Viet My Bui is the second.
I like cosplayers
I bake
I love corsets
I like Jam Hsiao Jing Teng
and also, HYDE (Hideto Takarai) from Larc-en-ciel / VAMPS
I cannot stress enough - I hate last minute changes.
I love ogling at accessories
I love to lie under the sun
I like to be free!
My periods are irregular
Apparently I like to be childish yet expect others to be mature ( as said by Bo)
Or rather, I am attracted to people who're mature because I am not ( as said by Bo)
~~The first thing I check when I'm awake is twitter~~ I wanted to cheat but failed.
I got my first SLR in 2010 Feb
I have a bit of a OCD when I start to pack (dresses must go according to length, colour, texture, weight...etc)
When I'm not packing, I usually live in sort of an organized chaos. (It's messy, but I know exactly where my things are.)
I like Pulot Hitam, a dessert made with black glutinous rice with coconut milk on top.
I am horrible with maps and directions
I love reading food blogs
When I bake, or cook, I usually taste test and that's it. I feel full before eating it.
I am currently obsessed with the gixxer
I like the colour red / orange / yellow / beige / off white
Ramen Santouka's Shoyu Toroniku Ramen is my comfort food.
My first ride was on a Gixxer
煎饼猫 / Cat Woman are some my nicknames
I love to tease
I don't eat coconut jellybeans
I think my #1 fear now is to meet my 1st high school boyfriend again.
I am infatuated with the idea of infatuation ( said by faith )
I am pretty good at digging information
I believe google is your best friend
I'm a Virgo
I was born on September 11
I used to like Visual Kei band
I named my stray cat: Meow Meow
Kifa came from a full nickname of 'Kifa Kazunori'
I love to hide myself under the blanket with the air conditioner on

Last 10 'jing bao' stuffs

I like to be 小女人
I fell for a girl once when I was 17
I love lingerie with french lace
I am quite liberal / open minded with sexual topics as long as there are mutual respect.
I like men in uniforms / suits.
I don't understand what's the big deal with women being paranoid about their men watching porn. (provided he's not obsessed)
I have a weird fetish for collars
I have a human pet named 'Faith Huang Ziling'
4 favourite part of a man's body : EYES / FOREARMS (with visible veins) / SHOULDERS / COLLAR BONE
I will approach girls on the dancefloor

The Ultimate Winner

2011-04-28T10:35:00.002+08:00

...was horrible.
It would probably be better off shown in a church than a cinema.
I cannot help but cringe when they held hands in prayers, when Li told the disabled Honey Ma that 'god will love you'.

I am not against the religion, but I felt that this show practically bled propaganda, and it unsettles me.

Start of speech from an infatuated girl

But on hindsight, I'm glad I went with him.

We chatted over dinner, and I couldn't stop noticing his smile.
The cute way he laughs, and the way his eyes are always soft when we talk.

...and if you really must know, I like the way he stands, back straight, confident, laid back and slightly cocky (?), and I am pretty turned on by his cool demeanor and theveinsonhisforearms.

And after speaking to another friend, I realise that he is quite the gentleman.
Opening doors, slowing down so I am able to hold on, never once (at least for now) reckless on the road.

2 important points:

I ended my day smiling
I understand though, that this is one-sided.

Gixxer

2011-04-27T11:13:00.002+08:00

Love that it's in mono. [credit to Rockyz]

Hmmm, the Gixxer reminds me of the wasp (insect) because of it's tapered end.
Nevertheless, still a sexy beast.

勇气

2011-04-26T08:52:00.000+08:00

看了这个MV以后，感触良多。
Jolene + Ziling, 请猜猜我在想什么。

終於作了這個決定　別人怎麼說我不理
只要你也一樣的肯定
我願意天涯海角都隨你去　我知道一切不容易
我的心一直溫習說服自己　最怕你忽然說要放棄

愛真的需要勇氣　來面對流言蜚語
只要你一個眼神肯定　我的愛就有意義
我們都需要勇氣　去相信會在一起
人潮擁擠我能感覺你　放在我手心裡　你的真心

如果我的堅強任性　會不小心傷害了你
你能不能溫柔提醒我雖然心太急　更害怕錯過你

Yonex

2011-04-24T13:18:00.000+08:00

Finally. Proper court shoes.

2011-04-14T09:55:00.000+08:00

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

I spoke to Bo.
As much as I try to stop myself, it's really tough.

But because of you, I'm no longer in the clouds, I'm back to reality and feeling better! :3

2011-04-11T23:40:00.001+08:00

If you think money and mere material items can please me, you are wrong.Sure, financial stability is important.
But it doesn't mean you need to be extravagant on gifts with me.

I am actually quite easy to please.

Quoting Bo, " You're cute, and fun to be around. But hard to be with. Because your emotion are at extremes. When you're happy, you're reaaaally happy. But when you're sad, you're realllly sad, there's no grey area. You just need someone who can handle you."

Just find that one factor and you'll find that I'm pretty easy to please. :3

Jolene's favourite past time is probably spotting me with that super satisfied face. Hor jiejie hor! :D

经络拍打

2011-04-11T09:43:00.000+08:00

I have these bruises at the back of my left thighs and both arms. Awesome.

I look as though I got abused. haha!

2011-04-10T15:06:00.000+08:00

#1 - You remembered something I thought was just a perfunctory courtesy from you. (Sincerity +1)
#2 - You were on time. (Punctuality +1)
#3 - You actually seem concerned about my injury and did something about it. (Xiexie)
#4 - The chat yesterday revealed a part of you which I never thought was in you.

More and more...

2011-04-04T16:47:00.001+08:00

badminton!

For the past week, my life has been revolving around badminton, my equipments, and different badminton sessions with friends.

I would say life has been a blast recently, and I am glad I don't have to report to anyone explaining why I am playing badminton with 10 guys + deal with jealousy problems. I guess that's one of the perks of singlehood. :3

Thanks to GW, now I have another racket to drool over. The VT80. But if I'm getting it, it'll probably be the 4U because GW's 3U is fantastic, except it's slightly heavy for me for me to maneuver.

PLUS! The paint job on VT80 is... red/white/black/gold. My favourite colours all together. :3

Demos (videos)

2011-03-29T11:27:00.000+08:00

Drop Shots
Smash
Forehand Clears
Full-court Footwork (esp for singles)
Footwork Continuity
understanding Footwork/ Efficient footwork
Short Serve (esp for doubles)
Doubles Rotation

Drop Shot

Smash

Forehand Clears

Full-court Footwork (esp for singles)

Footwork Continuity

understanding Footwork/ Efficient footwork

Short Serve (esp for doubles)

Doubles Rotation

28.03.2011 COY

2011-03-29T11:01:00.000+08:00

I should improve on my

Netting
Service
Footwork
Reaction
Clears/Lob base-base
-_- everything.

VT70

2011-03-28T16:31:00.000+08:00

If the Voltric 70 is anywhere near what the packaging says,
you'll be seeing this awesome CGI effect when I use it.
haha!

Damage

2011-03-28T11:50:00.000+08:00

Whole of my back is sore. #goodpain

p.s. for some reason, only my right buttock feels sore.

0824

2011-03-27T01:08:00.000+08:00

Awhile back, he asked me if it's true that he is hard to understand.

Yes, because I feel that he has a huge load of common sense plus he base most of his actions on logic. However, it is exactly because of his logical nature that some find it hard to understand him.

Because they never know how he really feels.

I always catch him observing (which I tend to title 'judging'). It's like he is continuously thinking, wondering, solving mental puzzles in his head. I can almost visualise it when I catch him observing.

He is young, looks young, and the occasional butter fingers from him ascertains the fact. But he never fail to amaze me with his logic and words.

I do not daresay I understand him. But I think, to understand him, one would have to read between the lines.

After my decision, I was dependent on him. I felt that he understands my choices, and he is so easy to be around. I can talk to him and not be afraid of speaking my mind because he is not one of those who cannot take criticism. He speaks logic, not emotions.

And he is never needy (at least not to me) to the point I worry if he's okay sometimes.

He taught me (albeit unintentionally) about life, and about loving myself.

I cannot make decisions at times and I tend to be pretty fickle. Much as I appreciate him coming to my rescue at times, it amusing how he will decide for me when he notices me in distress.

Probably there's a lack of relationship between us like you said, but whatever it is, thank you.

Thank you for appearing and teaching me about life.

Not taking the easy way out in life, and loving myself.

I will probably never praise you in your face, but if you ever read this, I am really glad to have met you. And... I can never express in words how much impact you've brought with into my life (unless I'm one of those scary 4 year olds who can put my own lao ya english to shame).

Badminton Schedule

2011-03-24T23:21:00.001+08:00

27 Mar Sun - K @ Tamp (potential regular slots)
28 Mar Mon - Company Training (potential regular slots)
02 Apr Sat - Tentatively joining Olivia with Nat @ Tamp (waiting for reply)
03 Apr Sun - Main Group @ Hougang (regular)
04 Apr Mon - Company Training (potential regular slots)

SHIOK AH! hehehehehe!
What's left is to confirm regular slots with Mum's friend, and to plan sessions with Sam and Ann.

I can still find ALL the photos that i took of you.

2011-03-23T18:17:00.002+08:00

hahaha.

Internet is scary.

I can even find those way back in 2007. *shivers*

LOL.

I totally don't look anything like that now. :/

White for White's sake

2011-03-18T17:38:00.000+08:00

2011-03-15T10:09:00.000+08:00

It is easy to feel detached about the Earthquake, Tsunami and Nuclear meltdown in Japan.
After all, it is many many miles away.

It wasn't until today when I saw this photo of a girl sitting amid debris in Japan, alone, that it finally struck.
It doesn't even matter how many mink coats, shoes, or money you have.
That very girl on the cover of today's TODAY was sitting alone crying.

Do you think she's crying for her shoes or for the loss of her family and friends?

There are many like her in Japan right now.
I'm not trying to say I'm a saint or that I'm full of morals.
I don't even care if you don't care about the disaster.

But I feel for her.

So I am going to donate in the hope that it might help people like her.

Emergency Relief Efforts links:
Red Cross (Groupon)

Books to buy

2011-03-11T16:15:00.000+08:00

1. Figure Drawing: Design & Invention {Michael Hampton}
2. Classic Human Anatomy {Valerie L. Winslow}
3. Force: Dynamic Life Drawing for Animators {Michael D. Mattesi}

I will buy you all.

For the king

2011-03-11T12:05:00.002+08:00

LINK

2011-03-11T12:00:00.000+08:00

Thank God It's Friday!

Enjoy your weekends sillies!
Love yourself silly, Dance yourself silly, Work yourself silly, whatever.

Have a blast!

Why I want to drink myself to death.

2011-03-10T10:00:00.001+08:00

My latest facebook post stemmed from a short disagreement with my mother.

Since young, my ONLY source of confidence came from my ability to draw.

I don't think I'm fantastic, but I feel that I'm not bad.

And as you get better at something, you find it easier, and the passion grows.

I am not talented.

I hate it when people say, "you're so talented."

I am just like you and me and everyone else.

I drew stick-men when I was 3.

Not exactly a talent when you see kids the age of 3 painting parrots in china.

It's interest, passion and hard work.

It wasn't overnight effort, which may be the reason why it went unnoticed by you.

You never wanted to know what's going on in my head.
As long as I'm holding a somewhat 'stable' job.

You tell me that I am NOT doing ANYTHING to improvise myself while on this job.
And that if I change jobs, I have to make sure if anything happens to the both of you, I must be able to fork out money for your medical fees.

Sometimes I wonder, do you really know what I want in life?
Every single time I speak to you about my future, you'll put me down.
"From what I see, all you think of is that it's (game designing) is fun"
"It's just a spur of the moment"
"If you go into it, can you be the best?" (with the degrading tone)

Yes I know mum,
To you, I'm probably the lousiest, laziest, stupidest, useless, ugliest child you can ever have.
You have instilled this in me ever since I was a kid.
That I can NEVER do anything properly.

Everyone tells me that I don't open up to you enough.
But what happens when I try?
I get shot down.

You may think it's nothing.
But thank you, it hurts.

I have nothing to my name.
Only what I am able to do.

Do you know I used to cut myself to stop myself from crying out loud after every quarrel
It numbs me.
And since after, I've learnt to stop feeling anything for my family.
sad if you think about it.

I know I am not the best.
But don't undermine my efforts.

To you, maybe my illustrations are 'a waste of time'
Something along the lines of:
"Well, it's pretty, but it's just a hobby."

You just told me last night:
"Well, I can't deny that you're talented in this field"

I hear a silent 'but' which was left unsaid.
Let me finish it for you.

BUT it's not going to bring you far.
BUT you won't be able to be the best.
BUT you won't earn much.
BUT BUT BUT

I tell you what?
BUT it's the only thing I can do well.
Have you seen those musicians?
They wouldn't have done it without the support of their parents.

Do you really think I'm happy here?

You really think life is so easy.
You really think my company is awesome.

It's not bad, and I have awesome bosses.
BUT, they can't teach me what I want to know.

Most of the time I sit in their meetings and my eyes glaze over.
I didn't do that on purpose, but I just couldn't comprehend what they are talking about.
I'm not a business person.

I'M HERE BECAUSE YOU WANT ME TO.
Can it get any simpler than that.

And trust me, I feel VERY ASHAMED not doing what I love.
I feel SORRY for the skills I have.

Siblings reading this,
If you're not on my side on this,
please do not come talk to me about it.

I know. I know where she's coming from.
I always do.

But have any of you tried speaking to HER instead?
I know my short-comings.
I tend to procrastinate, be complacent, not save enough.
She's worried I won't be able to support myself.
She's worried I will be bullied outside etc.

I KNOW.

I look at it from all the possible angles I can think of.

But it still doesn't change the fact that I am hurt.
That she doesn't believe in me and my skills.

I can even imagine what her response would be if I stated the sentence above to her.
:
"If you want me to believe in you, then prove it.
Do something. Work part-time. I don't see you going to the library to 'upgrade' yourself"

Trust me mum.

You will never understand how I feel and what goes on in my head.
You never did.
Never will.

Red Riding Hood (The Movie)

2011-03-09T16:58:00.002+08:00

Premieres on 10 March 2011 (Singapore).

Practice.

2011-03-08T16:37:00.002+08:00

Argh... One whole day of landscape and I still cannot grasp the concept.
Try harder kifa. Try harder.

But I think I learn something with each try.

1st picture- I like the colours and that little tower with the weird roofing.
2nd picture- I like the tree trunks and their...uh... shininess.

FengZhuDesign (FZD) Tutorial.

2011-03-08T09:47:00.000+08:00

This is why one of my dreams was to become an artist, concept artist.

GOD-DIVA

2011-03-07T22:19:00.001+08:00

I received this as a gift during Xmas and actually couldn't bear to eat it until now.
But anyway, I decided that I must not limit myself to female forms.
I must conquer my fear and hatred of landscapes, male forms and still life.

Was speaking to H just now, he told me not to apply for that uni as what I will be learning there wouldn't be worth the time nor money. (It's freaking SGD89k for 8sem) I asked him about the other place, F. He said I'd be better off learning from F's youtube channel.

Hmmmmm...
He was one of those people whose illustrations left me speechless.
Transformers, Mecha and Krauser comes into my head whenever I think of him.

Cartier Leopups

2011-03-03T14:30:00.001+08:00

Glee Cast: Blaine's Teenage Dream is ringing in my head.

Every February, you'll be my valentine~ Valentine.

Which is also one of the reasons why I can't think of better titles. Please pardon me. Haha!

Anyway, this piece is done entirely on Sketchbook Pro, special thanks to Bo for this awesome software. Because I insisted that I want my Paint Tool SAI, and somehow he found an alternative because we couldn't get the BootC to work initially. :9

It's comparable to Paint Tool SAI's blending, but more intuitive and pretty straightforward and simple to use. I like.

Cartier Leopup

2011-03-02T09:04:00.000+08:00

Work in progress.
- Sketch Book Pro -

Me

2011-03-01T09:42:00.000+08:00

You're cute and fun to be around, but you're difficult to be with.
Because you have extreme emotions.
You're either very happy, or very sad, there's no grey area.

'So I'll be alone then.'

No silly, you just have to find someone who knows how to handle you.

:) I like.

WIW: 28.02.2011

2011-02-28T14:36:00.000+08:00

I am happy...

2011-02-25T17:51:00.000+08:00

for various reasons.

First on the list is probably the finished report.

Second would be that I managed to bury (or hopefully kill) the romantic feelings I had for him.
He no longer runs around in my head 24/7. *YES!*

If you guessed who you are, please know this:
I treasure this friendship we have. So I will always excuse myself if my heart steps out of line.
Friendship > Relationship.

2011-02-23T10:35:00.000+08:00

@HPK - I find this so true too! Thanks for sharing on your blog.

“As always, the only real problem I face is the fact that I am ignoring the very thing that requires my undivided attention- reality! This is not uncharted territory… I have been here many times before. It is the feeling of falling… Realizing that there is no ground to stand on. This is a strange feeling because at first glance this groundlessness is perceived as threatening… This is the ego’s interpretation. Without ground to stand on, the ego feels insignificant. Like it has fallen off the planet.

On the other hand, there is a strange infatuation with this sense of falling… Perpetual motion. I believe this infatuation or eternal curiosity is closely connected with the fact that perpetual motion is my nature. In the final analysis, the true self is no-self at all… Life, of which I am but an example, is change without beginning or end.

The only reason “things” appear to be changing is because I create and install static characteristics in these “things.” My girlfriend, is in truth no girlfriend at all. She is energy that is forever seeking to express itself in all of the uniqueness that I have come to love. However, when I attempt to control her, by micromanaging the relationship, I ignore the unique manifestation of intelligence that she is… I ignore her, and I do this by clinging to or obsessing over some static expectation about how our relationship should be.

There is release or freedom to be found in letting go… Falling off of the planet. Watching the new job takes its own course. There is joy in getting out of the way and listening to what she has to say, without calculating how what she is saying affects me… Getting out of the way means forgetting myself, which paradoxically means taking time for myself.

The way to nourish our relationships is to invest in our own sense of sanity. To come back to the present moment. In the midst of hard times, I tend to think this is difficult because, I believe that leaving all of my fears and anxiety behind is a prerequisite. Nothing could be further from the truth!

We can bring all of our hang-ups to the cushion… That is the point of the cushion. To sit and see our deception. Not change it or even fix it. Simply see it. Allow it to breathe. When we sit and rest in space, we discover the gap between thoughts. This is mindfulness. This is the practice of meditation. When we allow our fears to breathe, to touch reality, a revolution of consciousness takes place.

The basic assumption, upon which all of our fears and anxieties are constructed, is challenged. In silence all of our preconceived ideas are questioned. We see that life is not some thing apart from us, happening to us… In fact, we remember that we are a dimension of Life.

It is so easy to get caught up in the idea that the problem rests with my girlfriend or job… But it doesn’t. Not even a little. The problem rests with the fact that I cling to some expired image of myself. From this point of view, everything seems personal. Change seems as if it is happening to me. This is why our fears seem so intense. Everything seems personal. I think “she” is doing that to “me.” I think “work” is stressing “me” out.

If we allow that one thought to breathe, the whole network of suffering comes crumbling down. If we allow our sense of self to touch the ground, the metric system that establishes suffering will dissolve into space. It is called space because it isn’t cluttered with all of our ideas about things should and shouldn’t behave. This space is so whole and so complete that it can accommodate our job or partner as they are… This is Love. “

-Benjamin Riggs

Source: refugegroupbr.blogspot.com

不小心

2011-02-23T10:27:00.000+08:00

当你发现你不小心喜欢上一个你明明知道没结果的人时，第一个反应是什么？

Mine was: ~~他妈的!~~ 为什么会这样！！

Hahaha.

Essays.

2011-02-19T16:18:00.001+08:00

After I graduated from tertiary education, I've never written ANY essays.
Nope, not even at work.
There's a whole stack of numbers to be crunched but no, no essays.

Alarm bell #1 : When you realise you don't sound coherent and thoughts are running all over the place, that's when you should take out a piece of paper, draft what you want to put down in your intro-body-conclusion. And what's your point/stand. Things will flow once you pin that down.

...and that's what I AM going to do because my brain works in random ways and I have never introduced structure to it. It's about time.

Dear sister, please read between the coughs. *coughsgongchacoughs*.
Plum Green Tea 30% no pearl no ice. thanks.

Born This Way - Lady Gaga

2011-02-18T09:11:00.000+08:00

VERSE:

MY MAMA TOLD ME WHEN I WAS YOUNG

WE ARE ALL BORN SUPERSTARS

SHE ROLLED MY HAIR AND PUT MY LIPSTICK ON
IN THE GLASS OF HER BOUDOIR

"THERE'S NOTHIN WRONG WITH LOVIN WHO YOU ARE"
SHE SAID, "'CAUSE HE MADE YOU PERFECT, BABE"

"SO HOLD YOUR HEAD UP GIRL AND YOU'LL GO FAR,
LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SAY"

CHORUS:
I'M BEAUTIFUL IN MY WAY
'CAUSE GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES

I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN THIS WAY

DON'T HIDE YOURSELF IN REGRET
JUST LOVE YOURSELF AND YOU'RE SET

I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN THIS WAY

VERSE:
GIVE YOURSELF PRUDENCE
AND LOVE YOUR FRIENDS

SUBWAY KID, REJOICE YOUR TRUTH

IN THE RELIGION OF THE INSECURE

I MUST BE MYSELF, RESPECT MY YOUTH

A DIFFERENT LOVER IS NOT A SIN
BELIEVE CAPITAL H-I-M (HEY HEY HEY)

I LOVE MY LIFE I LOVE THIS RECORD AND
MI AMORE VOLE FE YAH (LOVE NEEDS FAITH)

DON'T BE A DRAG, JUST BE A QUEEN
WHETHER YOU'RE BROKE OR EVERGREEN

YOU'RE BLACK, WHITE, BEIGE, CHOLA DESCENT
YOU'RE LEBANESE, YOU'RE ORIENT

WHETHER LIFE'S DISABILITIES
LEFT YOU OUTCAST, BULLIED, OR TEASED

REJOICE AND LOVE YOURSELF TODAY
'CAUSE BABY YOU WERE BORN THIS WAY

NO MATTER GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BI,
LESBIAN, TRANSGENDERED LIFE

I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN TO SURVIVE

NO MATTER BLACK, WHITE OR BEIGE
CHOLA OR ORIENT MADE

I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN TO BE BRAVE

This conversation reminds me of you.

2011-02-15T20:08:00.000+08:00

"So what am I supposed to do? "
"The only thing you can. Grow up."
"I don't want to."
"No other way," I said. "Everyone does, like it or not. People get older. That's how they deal with it. They deal with it til the day they die. It's always been this way. Always will be. It's not just you."

She looked up at me, her face streaked with tears. "Don't you believe in comforting people?"

"I was comforting you."

`{ Dance Dance Dance • Haruki Murakami }

/How The Fuck...

2011-02-15T00:52:00.000+08:00

It doesn't end there.
It's a part of me, regurgitated on paper.
Don't stop dancing.

Every piece I do, every stroke I leave
I find a little me.
Sometimes I get surprised, sometimes it's not so nice
but I find a little me.

That is enough.

{What was that all about}
{dance}

Good night.
I wish upon a little me, that all will be unclogged tomorrow. I love you.

2011-02-11T18:28:00.000+08:00

It's Valentine's Day come Monday 14 Feb 2011.

I'm done with my Valentine's 'gift' for my lady boss. SHIOK!

Furry Friends during CNY 2011!

2011-02-06T12:24:00.001+08:00

#1 - Paternal Aunt's Place /stray

#2 - Maternal Grandmother's Place /baby yong

#3 - God-Grandmother's Place / Donut

#4 - God-Grandmother's Place /Bagel

#5 - God-Ma's Place /glenn

#6 - Aunt's Place /kobe

#7 - Aunt's Place /melo

#8 - Aunt's Place /lapi

#9 - Void-deck /mi~ke aka meowmeow

I think I can safely say that I come from an animal loving family? :D

/ Wabbit Year

2011-02-02T21:56:00.000+08:00

Happy Lunar New Year everyone!

Let the year of the rabbit bring more graciousness into the year 2011! :)

/ Wet

2011-02-02T01:12:00.001+08:00

Did a quick sketch to let go of some tension built up.

2011-02-01T23:55:00.000+08:00

How to pronounce your favourite brand:

2011-02-01T09:22:00.001+08:00

Agnes B: Ah-ni-ess Beh

Ann Demeulemeester: Ann Duh-mule-eh-meester

Anna Sui: Ana Swee

Balenciaga: Bah-lin-cee-ah-gah

Balmain: Bal-mah

Bebe: Bee-bee

Behnaz Sarafpour: Beh-nozz Sa-rah-fur

Bottega Veneta: Bo-tega Ven-e-ta

Bulgari: Ball-gah-ree

Burberry Prorsum: Bur-bur-ree Pror-some

Cartier: Kar-tee-aye

Chanel: Shuh-nail

Comme des Garcons: Comb-day-gar-sewn

Christian Lacroix: La-Kwa

Christian Louboutin: Loo-boo-tahn

Dior: Dee-or

Diane von Furstenberg: Fur-sten-berg (pronounced as spelled)

Dolce & Gabbana: Dole-ch-aye Ga-bon-na

Emilio Pucci: Eh-mi-li-oh Poo-ch-ee

Gareth Pugh: Gareth Pew

Givenchy: Jee-von-shee

Giambattista Valli: Gee-ahm-battista Valley

Hermès: Err-mez

Hervé Léger: Air-vay Lay-jay

Hussein Chalayan: Hoo-sane Sha-lion

Issey Miyake: Ee-seh Mi-yah-key

Jean Paul Gaultier: Zhan Paul Go-tee-aye

Lanvin: Lon-vahn or Lon-vawn

Loewe: Low-ev-ay

Longchamp: Lon-chahn

Louis Vuitton: Loo-ee Voo-ee-ton

Maison Martin Margiela: May-sohn Martin Mar-jell-ah

Moschino: Mo-ski-no

Pierre Cardin: Pee-air Car-dain

Prada: Prah-da

Rei Kawakubo: Ray Kah-wah-koo-bo

Versace: Ver-sah-chee

Yves Saint Laurent: Eve San Lor-ron

So we don't paiseh ourselves when dropping brand names anymore!

/小动作

2011-01-31T14:43:00.002+08:00

What would you feel is the most important factor which will make or break a relationship/ friendship?

I would say it's the 'T' word - TRUST.

Trust, is also the toughest thing to achieve.

Because it has to be earned, you don't get it for free.

Which translates to : Effort.

Over the years I wouldn't dare say I am the most trust-worthy person around.

And I haven't met the most trust-worthy person neither.

But. I always believe that in any of my relationship (including friendships),

I would rather hear the painful truth that being lied to.

No matter how small.

I might get defensive, yes.

But I will definitely think and reflect upon it if it's valid.

And the lowest a person in a relationship can get, (regarding trust)

is to create hand signals behind the partner's back, literally,

to instruct mutual friends who are around on what to say / not to say.

This is exactly the kind of 小动作 which breaks a relationship.

Because you know you lied and don't deserve the trust.

So you are afraid of being found out one day.

+ Which further amplifies your actions to create more lies to cover up the initial lie.

+ Blaming the mutual friends for brainwashing your partner so that he/she will stop contacting them?

DESPICABLE.

• If you cannot achieve something in a relationship, do not promise •

• Please don't claim you love someone if you plan to be sneaky behind their back •

=Subjective Thinking starts here=

In addition, I was also dumb enough to believe your lies time and again, ignoring people who actually knew about all these and were all subtlety trying to warn me.

I would love to say how could you?

All these coming from a person who says, "friends and family are not important, only you are".

For the record, I believe I am the first girl who packed that messy apartment you call home.

How much I did for you, my friends knew.

How much I cried for you, my friends knew.

How much I laughed with you. my friends knew.

Other than them, YOU of all people, should know.

I was misunderstood by many because of you.

But it's okay.

I came back because we both wanted to give us a chance.

Especially when I heard that you're going overseas to study and not coming back anymore.

(which is a lie)

But it's not working out.

So why didn't I leave earlier?

No, it's not some glorious reason, but sure is a selfish one.

Because I don't want the same drama as before from your family and friends,

and I promised not to leave you.

And like a good friend of mine pointed out :

So, I am in a relationship and staying on for all the wrong reasons.

Which I why I decided to leave.

I don't want to waste my time, because clearly you need to learn how to love yourself more.

I don't want to also waste your time, putting in your 'best' for a girl who is staying on for the wrong reasons.

And if YOU are reading this,

I didn't intend to leave you the night it happened.

I told you what I was unhappy about in the relationship,

and 'maybe' we need a cool off period if it carries on.

I was waiting for you to say something like,

"I understand, so how should we compromise"

But it never came.

What I got instead was,

"So you want a break up"

So a break up it was.

Because I realised that you have never understood the many things I've tried telling you before.

I hope you will seriously learn to love yourself more,

Instead of throwing your money and education away by dragonfly-ing almost every other night.

(Yes I did notice the 100+ photos and various status updates which you posted on Facebook)

Move on.

It's really not the end of the world.

Sleep more, exercise more, eat properly.

I'm sure a girl a thousand times better than me will come along.

Because it only gets better.

And like your friends and family who told you the first time it happened :

She's just an ugly bitch who thinks she's superior and uses vulgarities.

Take that and hate me.

Badminton Talk

2011-01-28T15:39:00.000+08:00

J : Please be reminded that you have made a booking for BADMINTON COURT on 29-01-2011 at 2:00PM. Kindly be present for your booking. Thank You.

K : Hanarr Lor Sorrr.

J : Your booking for BADMINTON COURT on 29-01-2011 at 2:00PM has been canceled with immediate effect. Kindly mind your manners.

This is hilarious!

On a side note, it's finally Friday today and I'm getting my badminton tomorrow!
Get ready for some thrashing action people!

/ 留香

2011-01-28T00:04:00.000+08:00

Burlesque

2011-01-27T20:53:00.001+08:00

/ beautiful voices

bitrate: 320kbps

10 tracks of amazing vocals.
Enough to cheer me up slightly from the unhappiness at home.

If you feel that I'm a spoilt brat again, please keep your opinions to yourself. You didn't grow up in my family and you will never understand what it takes and how it is like being inside.

I'm not saying I have a lousy family. They're fantastic people. Just that 家家有本难念的经, and you don't understand (and doubt you ever will). So don't go shooting your mouth (or hands) off on things you don't understand.

• BBQ •

2011-01-27T18:01:00.001+08:00

Have you ever tried getting the BBQ pit ready? Try it.
I started my first ever BBQ pit last Sunday ( albeit with the help of Alvin & Peiyi ) with a great sense of satisfaction.

And some note-to-self:
• Use 'cock-brand' fire starters.
• Spend time arranging the charcoals properly.
• Be slightly obsessed with adding fresh charcoal to the ashen and angry looking ones.

I find it amazing that this divorcee is happy with a boy who includes a 'Xiao' in front of his facebook profile name, and is proud to be a 'slacker' from 1986 to present (sleeping all day).

Seriously? You have 2 children to feed and you are going to be with this slacker living in his 'wonderland'?!

Boys who think they are something when they are actually nothing, are a dime a dozen here.

I digress. Not my problem anyway.

I regret not taking photos of our short get-away together but it was definitely very fun! Well, except the part where I knew they left me sleeping in the room alone (・д⊂ヽ゛

Updated Tresses

2011-01-26T09:47:00.002+08:00

/ Green + Blue + Platinum + Ash + Black

I felt like I spent 5 hours getting my hair dyed black. I jest.

G.Gan did a toner ( I assume ) to cancel out the yellow in my hair, but he did it darker so that my platinum won't fade off before Chinese New Year. So I should be able to achieve my platinum superstar hair by my 2nd wash. Muahahahahahahah!

Angie: *faint* u got pre-empt ur mum a not.... later she think she see ghost!!!

Me: Never. All dont want talk to me, so i'll leave it to you to explain liao. Hahahaa!!

[twitter]

Yup. So this is my hair. I think it's kinda cool. Go away if you think otherwise hehehe! :D

Process under the cut:

/ before

/ during

/ after first bleach + wash off

/ after 2nd bleach + wash off

My tresses throughout the years.

2011-01-21T00:27:00.002+08:00


6 years old I assume from the candles :x

Okay... Images from Secondary school days till 2006.

July 2006

2006

2007

2008

2009

2010

2011

Next step is Platinum Blonde on 25th.

: D

Postscript:

2006

2011 - this is the effect of 8kg weight gain

Ramen Santouka.

2011-01-20T10:11:00.000+08:00

Old old photos I found of my #1 comfort food.

It cheers me up almost instantly whenever I'm down.

BUT!

It's Carbs (and probably lots of mono sodium glutamate aka m.s.g.)!!!

nevertheless, NANA! March ah!

Important Lesson in Life

2011-01-19T16:16:00.000+08:00

#1 Managing expectations

You are responsible for your own happiness. The responsibility doesn't fall on me, or anyone else.

As a friend, partner, colleague, all I can do is listen and give you my advice.

If you choose not to take that piece of advice, there's nothing I can do.

I might feel that I've wasted my breath.

But I will deal with it.

Because this is NOT my life.

Because I am a firm believer of choice.

However, if there is ever a situation where you constantly complain about the unhappiness in your life.

And I have given you my advice.

But you chose NOT to do anything about it.

(it might not even be my advice. you can make your own choice as long as the end goal is to turn the unhappiness around)

Then i will be very unhappy.

But.

I will deal with it.

Because this is not my life.

. The End .

postscript

Maybe this post isn't 100% about 'Managing Expectations'

But.

YOU will deal with it.

Because this is my life.

Hee!

10 April 2011 Party Plans.

2011-01-19T09:29:00.000+08:00

Credits: Product-Girl

Credits: Inspireplease

Credits: Lifeofaladybug

Black AND White.
Lace face-paint for the ladies
Customised Lace + Velvet headbands

Hideto Takarai • HYDE

2011-01-18T12:14:00.000+08:00

My all-time sexy love.

In platinum blonde

对的人

2011-01-17T13:34:00.002+08:00

爱虽然很美妙
却不能为了寂寞
又陷了泥沼
爱要耐心等待仔细寻找
感觉很重要
宁可空白了手等候一次
真心的拥抱

已经不想再为了‘寂寞’二字而浪费大家的时间。

Short Platinum Blonde Hair

2011-01-13T12:48:00.000+08:00

Er... couldn't find images for 'Asian Short Platinum Blonde Hair'.
Apparently it sounds like porn which is also why I did get some porn-ish images.

So I'm gonna post this hot babe who totally worked the Short Plat hairdo.

End.

2011-01-12T09:50:00.001+08:00

It wasn't the easiest choice to make.
Because it was easier staying on, sucking in the unhappiness.

Actually I don't appreciate being called weird, but I guess I am.

weird (wîrd)adj. weird·er, weird·est
2. Of a strikingly odd or unusual character; strange.

If I were to behave in a predictable manner, I wouldn't be weird, would I?

I am not doing well if you really must know. It is difficult adjusting to life without having someone who will always be there for you, to call when you're walking home alone feeling scared.

But is it right of me to...

Stay on even though I know that the feeling is gone. Just because I'm afraid of being alone.
or Leave?

It should be obvious I chose the latter.

Sidenote:
If we cannot learn how to love ourselves, how are we going to know how to love someone else?

--
6:19pm
Actually I feel like I'm spiralling out of control. I feel confusion, despair, and sadness.
I'm gonna go home and close myself in to draw and do crafts.
It can only be better.

Badminton Kaki

2011-01-10T08:48:00.000+08:00

Went for a 3 hour badminton session yesterday ( Sunday ).

I got thrashed thoroughly. My openings were uncountable. But I learn.
I started to cover the open space. I ran for drop shots. Overall I'm slightly proud of myself.

I need to start memorizing names. There were like 15 - 20 people there playing.

Guo Ping / Guo Wei / Wei Chen / Niklas

Sidenote: Weight went down to 53.0kg yesterday, but was 53.4kg this morning.

Food / Exercise Journal

2011-01-07T12:02:00.001+08:00

Hmmm.

Last I checked, weight at : 53.7kg this morning.
I'm still going to continue with Project: Shed it off. But I won't be documenting my food / exercises.

Though I'll definitely update once I cross my 53.7kg. I've been here for 2 weeks alrdy.
~~no time, no buddy, no this, no that...~~ EXCUSES.

And many thanks to people who gave me advice and cheered me on!
Especially Robert, Brenda, Bobo, Ah Min, Pei ru & Calvin :)

It rained... and rained... and rained...

2011-01-05T21:25:00.002+08:00

Food / Exercise Journal 017: 05Jan2011

2011-01-05T10:41:00.003+08:00

Breakfast
X Oreo Truffle (1)
Milo
Wholemeal bread with ham/cheese/egg/tuna

Lunch
Fish Soup

PM Snack
Apple Juice
Honey Dew
Papaya

Dinner
Carrot Onion Soup

Love and Other Drugs (M18)

2011-01-04T10:36:00.007+08:00

"Most relationships proceed from love to sex. This one goes the opposite direction..." Love & Other Drugs.

Hell lot of flirting, sex, confusion, and finally; love.

I love it when there is sex on film, and that's also why I foresee myself liking this show already.

That mutual, wild, uncontrollable passion and crazed desire for someone you love. I find that really sexy.

---
It's a rom-com (romantic-comedy), but Anne H. expressed in 8Days that it's more of an "Emoti-com".

I would say it's both. It's funny, emotional, and really really er... passionate. There was a scene they were both naked in bed, with Maggie Murdock (Anne Hathaway) leaning on Jamie Randall (Jake Gyllenhaal) right up to the moment they were about to kiss.

: 0

I need to find some screen shots of that scene.

Food / Exercise Journal 016: 04Jan2011

2011-01-04T09:14:00.005+08:00

Pre-jog
Milo

Exercise
Jog/Walk 2.1km

Breakfast
Milo Kosong
2 Soft-Boiled Eggs

Lunch
Fish Soup

PM Snack
Raw Nuts - Walnuts/ Cashew
Camomile Tea

Dinner
Saba Fish (Korean style without rice)

New uncle (waiter) at the coffeeshop tried to bullshit us saying that they're using a electric toaster that's why the bread doesn't crisp / brown.

Mum said he talk-bird.
I find that funny somehow.

Food / Exercise Journal 015: 03Jan2011

2011-01-03T11:24:00.002+08:00

Breakfast
Milo (with meiji milk)
Wholewheat bread with peanut butter

Breakfast Snack
Apple
Orange

Lunch
Yong Tau Fu Soup with no Rice/Noodles
2 Tofu, 1 Egg Tofu, 1 Egg, 2 Seaweed Chicken

Dinner
Fish Soup
Pork Stir Fry

2011 Goals

2011-01-02T13:03:00.005+08:00

Rilakkuma G-String

Decided to do a list together with Pei. :P

Nurture my interest for driving
Stop restricting myself and have fun; in life and illustrations
Strike a balance between family, love, friends and self
Gain LESS weight
Lose MORE weight - Target of 45kg
EOY COSPLAY as JO from Burst Angel

I think the most important goal to me right now, will be point number 2 .

Why I love illustrating is because it's really expressive. From my illustrations you can tell a lot about me - that I'm afraid to make errors (but I still do anyway), I'm afraid to venture out into eye-popping colour schemes, my strokes are rigid... etc. I need to relax and have fun.

I've always felt that there's a part of me who wants to express myself 100%, but I can't. It's frustrating. It's like, whatever artwork you've seen done by me are not my 100%, it can be more. And if you noticed, I still haven't found my voice, my style, my identity.

So this is really important to me. It's what makes me who I am.

BALLY shoes

2011-01-01T12:46:00.003+08:00

Illustration done for Project Dress Code!

Love how Samantha did the write-up for this piece, "It's a little like perfume..."

Well-written and remember:

"Life is short. Live your dream and wear your passion."
-The Holstee Manifesto

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
...and Happy Birthday Caterpillar Bo.

Happy Bird Day Samantha!

2010-12-31T01:52:00.001+08:00

She's funny, engaging, strong, sweet, and everything you'll want in your eyecandy. HAHAHA

And so, today (31st December 2010) is the birthday of my eyecandy - Samantha.

I've been calling her / introducing her as my eyecandy ever since I got to know her. LOL. I forgot how I chanced upon her blog, bookmarked it,and read it frequently without commenting ever. Then the day came when I thought I saw her in NAFA (my school then), and it REALLY was her!

Which was then I decided to comment on her blog... and she replied.

Then came a day when she called me to enquire about some school stuff and my first words to her wasn't 'Hello'. It was 'WTFWTFWTFOMGOMGOMG'. Haha! Talk about tongue-tied.

Sam, though I haven't known you for the longest time, you stand a special place in me, and I wish you a blessed day today and for the rest of your life!

The anorexic hello kitty

Some of the balloons popped and they were freaking LOUD! Sounded like gun-shots. David (Sam's bf) brought the Kitty balloon over around 6pm and by 8pm it looked like this. LOL! And the seller told him it'll last a few days! Tio Pian liao!

Birthday girl toasting buns

Mini Burgers!

Loads of BBQ-ed vegetables and SUPER YUMMEH PRAWNS

Otahhhhh!

BeeHoon + Potato Salad

Walan eh. Ten million apologies to my tummy, but when carbo comes in the form of birthdays and home-made food, I cannot resist it! It's so good!

Bee Hoon fried by Sam's mom and Potato Salad by Sam. VERY GOOT! Ihadtwotothreehelpings....

Custom birthday cake

Naiseeeeeee! I don't like eating fondant but the chocolate sponge+fudge layer was better than expected. :D

Lovebirds

And I think the highlight of the day was them. Everyone fussed over them and they were (I think) so petrified, they just huddled together and stared at the commotion around them.

Hahaha! It was pretty dark by then and just when she got to my present, the lights were cut off! LOL! We had to borrow torchlight/ use blackberries.

Ending off with a (finally) upright kitty... but it looks kinda eerie. :x

Credits: CJgoh

and in case anyone is interested in what I got for her, click the cut below. Hahaha!

Paper Bag

Birthday Card

The little animal which brings her present

Sitting on the Desk

2010-12-29T10:40:00.003+08:00

Exercise Journal: 29 Dec 2010

2010-12-29T09:13:00.000+08:00

♪ Badminton at 12nn
♪ Swimming if the pool isn't too packed (Pei warned me of the negative possibilities)

Okay! Gonna shower/ pack/ eat breakfast for some energy to whack some shuttles later!

friendship set on fire

2010-12-27T01:51:00.002+08:00

An important friend once told me, a relationship, is friendship set on fire.

I find it true. In a friendship, there are 2 individuals. 2 persons who know WHO they are. And the friendship occurs because of mutual respect, appreciation and company.

A friendship set on fire - LOVE.

Is still a friendship. So why should the equation change?

It should be that, and more.

Before you want anyone to love you.

Before you want anyone respecting you.

You need to start loving and respecting yourself.

Should you be with anyone just because you cannot stand loneliness?

Should you harm yourself just because you want to spite your partner/ make him or her feel guilty?

The answer is: No. You should love yourself more. It's annoying and sickening to harm yourself in exchange for love. What are you really getting? Pity? Is it worth it?
And you should always be in a relationship because you 'want to' not you 'need to' because you're afraid to be alone.

This is also why self-mutilating guilt traps never work for me. 1, because I used to do that, and I understand the mentality behind it. 2, I'm that kind of person who don't care, because you are not worthy of my time and concern if you don't respect and treasure yourself.

Just had a (kinda lengthy) discussion with dad.

He told me, in a relationship, never force yourself to accommodate / tolerate things or behaviour that you cannot accept. I agree.

He told me that you should have a partner who is on the same frequency as you. I agree.

He said zodiac matching plays a part. err...I'm not too sure if I agree with that, but I really believe in horoscopes (to a certain extent of course).

In short, "被懂我的人爱着我是幸福的." or "I'm blessed to be loved by a kindred soul."

To me, there must be a correct frequency, respect, and chemistry for a common goal to happen, and therefore allows a fulfilling relationship.

I don't want a 'boy' who needs me just because he is afraid of loneliness.

I want a man who shares the same passion as I do. Thinking on the same frequency as me.

He doesn't have to be a perfect person. But anything lesser than what I mentioned above, he will never be perfect for me.

2010-12-25T20:28:00.000+08:00

Illustration done for Project Dress Code!

Another illustration done some time back for Project Dress Code! :)

2010-12-25T14:29:00.000+08:00

There's no point trying to hide it
No point trying to erase me
I know i got a problem
By doing this behavior

If you fall for me
I'm not easy to please
I'mma tear you apart
Told you from the start, baby from the start.

I'm only gonna break break ya break break ya heart.

Food / Exercise Journal BREAK

2010-12-24T12:13:00.001+08:00

I hereby declare a break in Food Journal posts due to Christmas + I practically eat the same thing everyday.

Weight as of 23 Dec 2011: 54.0 kg

♪ Jogging MUST continue
♪ Weight training MUST continue
♪ Limit Carbs
♪ Choice of Meat / Veg supersedes Easy choice of Bread/Rice/Flour/Pastries

My boss just told me, "Merry Christmas Kifa, my resolution for you next year is to gain less weight."
LOL. Thanks boss. Good thing I like you so much I don't mind you saying I'm fat. hahaha!

Food / Exercise Journal 014: 21dec10

2010-12-21T15:37:00.002+08:00

Breakfast
Milo Kosong (w/o milk and sugar)

Lunch
Tofu, Steamed Egg, Green Vegetables, 1 braised Egg
Milo Kosong

Dinner
*Most probably be having 猪脚醋, Dark Vinegar Pig Trotters.

Tomorrow will be a busy day.

☺ Morning Jog. Aimless jogging for 1 hour
☺ Collect contact lenses from St 81
☺ Pass Dehydrated dog food to Jolene + Lunch @ Bishan [12:00]
☺ Meeting Fiona at Bishan Mrt [2:00]

Rawr Rawr!

2010-12-21T11:21:00.003+08:00

Illustration done for the awesome Project Dress Code people!

Animal prints are back again!!

I once received a super weird question:
"Kifa, you always wear the leopard print neck-strap, you don't feel pain for the animals?"

eh.. mister. There's a reason why it's called leopard PRINT.

Leopard 小豹, 27 year old fashion editor in beijing.

Found a gem for inspiration. I cannot express how much I love her barely there eyebrows, clean/sleek hair, and the nonchalant attitude that she gives off.

Having a girl-crush! :x

Stuck in a Rut

2010-12-21T09:11:00.000+08:00

Convince yourself it will pass. When you are in a rut it seems that you will never break free, by recognizing that this is simply a phase you are going through, a period that you can change so take the pressure off and change will come faster
Exercise. Even though times like this make any sort of physical exercise even more challenging, you must break free and focus on at least low-grade exercise such as a walk, jog or swim
Get social. We tend to become withdrawn in the low points of our life, a better approach is to join a new sport, hobby, fitness class, support group or other social activity where you can be with others
Change your diet. We tend to become self-destructive in times of trouble within our lives – eating too much sugar and carbohydrates, escaping reality with alcohol and stimulants – by breaking these bad habits we can build momentum that will break out of our rut
Change your routine. Being stuck in a rut is really succumbing to a pattern of bad habits – by breaking your routine, just one step toward change can get the ball rolling
Baby steps. Our tendancy is to wait for some major life event to break us out of our rut when the best way to quickly escape this hell-like, self-imposed prison is to take small steps each day toward improving our life
Change your company. There are times in my life where I was kept in a rut largely by the negative energy of the people around me. When you are stuck in life look around you, do you have positive role models or mentors you can rely on to help you see the light?
Take responsibility. Look inward and understand that you have everything you need to succeed wildly today, it's just that you are relying on external factors for your success. By taking responsibility for changing your situation you empower yourself to break free of your rut.
Introspection and Meditation. When things around you get so heavy, so meaningless and challenging – give yourself permission to focus inward for 30-minutes each day by practicing yoga and meditation. With just a week of consistent meditation you will be amazed at how less terrible you will feel about your current rut
Know the signs. Take stock each day of your feelings, your accomplishments and how well aligned your actions are with your inner purpose and desire. Recognize how you feel and how you respond when under pressure, out of control and out of alignment. If you can identify these characteristics early you can take control before you get stuck in a rut

Credits HERE.

The Pink One

2010-12-20T11:58:00.002+08:00

New Rilakkuma item making his appearance!

Hi everyone! I'm fluffy, with droopy ears, and polka dots inside.

I used to stay in a cramped jail-like box until Kifa came alone and saved me from my miserable fate.

And I....w..what?

Hold on. Someone wants to make an appearance too!

You're taking too long to come out, pink one.

See, even the chick is fuming/snorting so hard from his nose that now he looks like a yellow pig.

Okay, so here it is! My new jogging buddy!

The Sony W252. Hands-free music player!

Tried it out this morning when I went out at 5am to jog alone.

Thought I'm not particular about my sound quality but I've heard really horrible ones.

This baby here delivers good sound quality esp for workouts + jogging.

...and I love that I no longer have to fiddle around with tangled wires. I loathe them.

Love you Pink One!!

======

I won the rilakkuma + one medium sized cinammon roll soft toy speakers at this 'Marksman' game at Marina Square. It's different from those crane/ufo catchers, this one you have to aim your target at a hole and punch the number card behind. Once the number card drops, you will be able to open the corresponding jail-box. :P

I actually like this more than the ufo catchers.

Food / Exercise Journal 013: 20dec10

2010-12-20T09:55:00.001+08:00

Exercise
Jog/walk 3.5km (30 min)

Bicep Curls 5 x 20 reps
Db ext 5 x 20 reps
Crunches 5 x 20 reps
Leg Raises 3 x 10 reps

Breakfast
Wholemeal Bread w Peanut Butter (1/2)
Milo w/o sugar or milk

AM Snack
Apple Juice
Pear (1/2)
Orange

Lunch
Saba Fish

PM Snack
Seaweed Snack + lots of water.

Dinner
Ramen Santouka with Jolene.

Food / Exercise Journal 012: 18 + 19dec10

2010-12-18T12:55:00.001+08:00

-Break-

Stopped these few days for a party.

Latest Weight Report on 19 December: 55.1kg

Gonna start the regime on Monday! More running to make up for all the carbs I've been eating! >:D So sinful, but I feel that slipping/ indulging (with control) occasionally lets me hold on to my diet better, because I feel guilty and I miss my exercise. Plus because I got to eat ~~my drug~~ what I'm craving, so I don't feel like... 人生没乐趣. Hahaha!

Anyway I got myself the Sony W252 music player for jogging. Handsfree ftw!

Food / Exercise Journal 011: 17dec10

2010-12-18T10:52:00.001+08:00

Breakfast
1 Brownie (Was baking, so had to taste-test)

Lunch
Fish Soup
2 Chwee Kway (omg...)

Exercise
Jog/walk 3.5km (30 min)

Bicep Curls 5 x 20 reps
Db ext 5 x 20 reps
Crunches 5 x 20 reps
Leg Raises 3 x 10 reps

PM Snack
Choco Milk

Dinner
Oyster Omelette w/o the flour (I ate the eggs haaa!)

So shiok to eat Oyster omelette when you have 2 men eating the oysters for you. Yum! I love eggs!

Anyway, photo post soon! Bobo took a really chubby shot of me on my Isabelle (camera) yesterday. And I cut my hair. Pixie cut I think.

Today's diet was... all over the place. I tend to forget I'm hungry when I'm baking. BAD!

Food / Exercise Journal 010: 16dec10

2010-12-16T09:42:00.004+08:00

Breakfast

Wholemeal Bread with Lettuce + Tuna/Egg , Cup of cold water, Honeydew + Orange

Lunch

Chicken ~~Rice~~

Breakfast
Milo with Meiji milk w/o sugar (Home-7:20am)
1/2 Wholemeal Bread with Lettuce, Tuna/ Egg (Work - 8:30am)

AM Snack
Orange 1
Honeydew 1 slice

Lunch
Chicken Rice w/o rice (removed the skin)

PM Snack
1/2 Wholemeal Bread with Lettuce, Tuna/ Egg

Dinner
Fish Head Soup (homemade)

A flower a day keeps the psychiatrist away

2010-12-15T12:08:00.004+08:00

Have I ever told you that my dad has a green thumb. I didn't inherit it from him though... I killed at least 3 cacti under my care.

My maternal grandma tried growing her roses, but for some reason they started to die off. So she asked my Dad to ~~save~~ adopt a pot... and it bloomed.

I have pots of multi-coloured mini roses at home; red/ pink/ yellow and they greet me every day when I head off for work :)

But frankly speaking, I usually don't notice them unless they are blooming all over the place. Haha, who would? I'm not a gardening fanatic, but I might be, one day. But unless I overcome my damn fear of bugs and ants and caterpillars, I will not be a gardener anytime soon.

P.S.
> Every year during valentine's day my dad will pluck one mini rose stalk and give it to mummy. I love that they do silly and cute stuffs like that for each other.

Food / Exercise Journal 009: 15dec10

2010-12-15T11:09:00.008+08:00

Exercise
Jog/walk 3.5km (30 min)

Breakfast
2 Half Boiled Eggs (minus 1 yolk)
Milo w/o sugar or milk
Toasted Bread with Kaya + Butter (1/2, shared with Mum)

AM Snack
Apple Juice
1 slice Papaya
1/2 Pear

Lunch
Mexican Grilled Chicken
Side dish of Coleslaw + Seasonal Vegs (Broccoli / Carrots / Cauliflower)
Barley (which still taste of sugar. Bah)

PM Snack
1/2 handful of nuts. (Macadamia/ Almond)

Dinner
Bak Kut Teh
Apple 3 slices

Exercises
Bicep Curls 5 X 20 Reps
Crunches 5 X 20 Reps
Leg Raises 3 X 10 Reps
Squats 50 counts

Wow. I found a Japanese lady through Annie who posts what she eats everyday in her blog. I'm inspired to do that too, instead of words words words for every food journal post. Haha!

The lunch today was good but I think it's filled with msg because I came back feeling very thirsty and I couldn't taste the nuts.

Damn. I forgot how much I liked doing Squats. My thighs are trembling as I type. It may look easy, but let me tell you it's not. Especially for a beginner like me lol!

Gotta Catch'em All!

2010-12-14T15:00:00.001+08:00

Us at the beach

Greedy boy

Shake your ~~booty~~ body!

Ash is here because I miss him. ):

Food / Exercise Journal 008: 14dec10

2010-12-14T09:08:00.003+08:00

Breakfast
Milo w/o sugar or milk
Wholemeal Bread with Peanut Butter

AM Snack
Apple Juice
Pear

Lunch
Chicken Chop
Soyabean x Grass Jelly drink (less sugar)

Dinner
Steamed Cod Fish